


Some Assembly Required - Trip to IKEA

by Guiltypleasure6669 (NorseGoddess)



Category: Miranda (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Humorous Ending, IKEA, IKEA Furniture, Inappropriate Humor, Original Character(s), Public Display of Affection, Public Sex, Romantic Fluff, Sex, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:37:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15528333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorseGoddess/pseuds/Guiltypleasure6669
Summary: Miranda Hart and Gary Preston have been married about a year and this is their first trip to the Swedish legend that is IKEA! Gary is excited about the bargain cooking apliances, but Miranda is interested in something else... Confusion, Ignorance, frustation and hilarity insues... and maybe some not so private sexual intercourse as well...Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.





	1. PRE-IKEA

This is not what Miranda had in mind when she said yes to a trip with Gary... He'd seemed soo excited... She thought he wanted to go somewhere interesting and maybe romantic, when he said it would be a suprise destination... Not IKEA... Not that she wasn't excited about the prospect of shopping, but was there really that little left of the mysterious romance in their relationship? When was the last time they just headed out on a spontaneous joy trip? She wasn't sure.

Miranda thought; Oh god, I have to do something, I'm turning sensible, as she parked the car (a Volvo V70 with an extra spacious boot ;-) in the vast expanse of the IKEA parking lot that was fairly quiet, it being a Tuesday morning around 10am. 

Gary was humming happily to himself and lookin out the window, at what she couldn't guess. She admired his handsome face with his neatly trimmed five o'clock shadow and his beautiful eyes that were like deep dark pools of chocolate... Her mind drifted to the "chocolate penai" and she couldn't hold back a giggle.

Gary turns to lool at her a small, slightly confused crease between his brows as he asks, "What's so funny?" 

Miranda giggles more and just answers "Your face."

Gary still frowns a little, but the corner of his mouth turns up and his eyes sparkle, "I thought you liked it?"

Miranda laughs as she comes clean (figuratively speaking atleast), "Your eyes remind me of chocolate penai."

Gary chokes a little, as he splutters "Chocolate what??"

"Penai." "Chocolate Penai." "On a stick." 

Realisation hits him and they both laugh uproariously for a minute, till Gary remembers they are at IKEA, home of the flat-pack and Swedish innovation and he rushes off to get a trolley. Miranda sighs. She gets out, locks the car and cruises after her over-excited husband on the hunt for kitchen and cooking apliances.

They go through the revolving doors and enter the world of IKEA...


	2. Pots, Pans and Sexual Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda is frustrated and the IKEA adventure has only just begun. They do say that "Patience is a virtue", we'll see how true that is. OR will we?
> 
> Miranda's POV. (I think it all will be). 
> 
> Gary can be insufferable. But also, oh so desirable... 
> 
> Idk but there might be some sligt Lucifer (TV) influence on this haha...
> 
> BTW I'm doing this as a gift for a friend that doesn't have an account yet...

Inside the entrance, a staircase reaches for the heavens... Well, the second floor atleast. Miranda only gets a moment to think before Gary sweeps up the stairs with her in tow. She notes happily how her hand fits so perfectly in his... Before her moment of bliss turns into a rather spectacular plunder and she stumbles akwardly up the stairs, narrowly missing hitting her face on the stairs. 

She admires her nice save and looks up. Gary helps her to become fully upright again, his eyes sparkle like all the stars... But, she is distracted in a less pleasnt way by some of the stares she notes in other customers. She shakes them off and they continue to the place where it all begins... 

Gary rushes past all the gorgeous little "rooms" where temporary walls have been set up and the spaces filled with IKEA furniture to be displayed in a "real-life" setting, he only has one thing on his mind and that's the COOKING APPLIANCES!!! 

Miranda on the other hand looks longingly at the cosy and/or stylish bedrooms, kitchens and bathrooms and wonders why they had to get up at such an ungodly hour. She thinks of the dream she had last night... Of Gary and when they first started going out... The excitement of just being with him... And a naughty add on to that dream that never happened in real life... She's not really sure why, but she thinks she might have a thing for having sex where she might be found out and/or maybe with some toys... 

She is rudely awakened from her day dream by Gary exhuberantly shoving a fryingpan in her face and asking her what she thinks. "It's a fryingpan" is her only response and she listens while he goes on about all it's fabulous qualities. "But look at it!!!" He says, "it's non-stick and you can just feeeel the quality!!! 

She's not sure if he's ever been this excited about her assets... Maybe it's because she can't offer the same quality "supergrip handle" or "non-stick bottom"? The idea is comical, but she can't gelp feeling a little left out. He seems recently to have touched his damn appliances more than her and she has to admit now, she's truly frustrated. Why can't he take a hint and get home early or just make time for some "romping"?! 

Eventualy she has had enough and she heads back to the "make-believe" rooms, where unresistable beds lie, just waiting for her to throw herself on them. They look like great mounds of fluffy bedding and she could really imagine herself sleeping in one... 

Maybe that's the problem? Their bed at home is very modest, too modest in her opinion and it's giving her a backache and the sex can't be too wild or it creaks soo alarmingly that they're afraid it might disintegrate at any given momenta and have been a bit careful in their nighttime, sometimes daytime antics...

Suddenly she has an idea! It makes her soo excited that she gallops back to where Gary is till pouring over the various appliances and grabs him, physically removing him, despite his wriggling, grabbing some applicable looking appliances on her way and makes for the bedrooms.

She heads for one of the more "private" bedrooms, a dark and very sleek one, as different as you can get from home and throws him down on one of the beds, ignoring his slightly highpitched squeal of indignance and plants herself squarely on top of him, large thighs pinning him down on each side, her weight squarely placed upon his wrything waist. The friction gives her a pleasnt, but somewhat distracting buzz and she lets out a little involuntary gasp of air. 

Gary struggles for a short period then goes still and asks, "What are you doing? I wasn' t finnished with the pans!". "Welcome to the pleasure room!" She says and can only just keep a straight face, but his comical look of suprise and epiphany eventually drives her over the edge and she laughs, but in a slightly sex-depraved desperation sort of way, with some added exasperation for good measure. "I have a confession to make". He looks at her expectantly and says "Tell me what it is that you desire". She definately has his full attention now and of his member, which she can feel stirring whith interest beneath her.

"I desire you, right here, right now, with these toys!" She blurts. She can feel herself blush and briefly considers the naïvity of her plan and how unlikely it's unfolding would be. He turns his head a little to one side and can't stop a slightly supprised look, but he quickly replaces it with a look of seduction and purrs, "If I'd known you were into this I'd have spent less time looking at appliances and more time pleasuring you with them... and I am a devil of my word..." She can't stop an untimely giggle, she can't help it when she's nervous and she never really imagined him as being so sultry, seductive and suave... He was always attractive, but the relationship was generally quite humerous and dare she say it, of late, vanilla... This was new for both of them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're getting deeper... ;-P


	3. Props, Penai and Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda gets a whole new outlook on the fun to be had at IKEA and explores possibilities she never even knew existed. 
> 
> Gary gets a suprise...
> 
> Can sex in IKEA really go un-noticed? 
> 
> They say still pools run deep...
> 
> ... with Lust...

Miranda wastes no time in taking up Gary's offer and they strip each other in record time... In their haste they roll off of the luxurious bed with far too many decorative cushions and fall inellegantly onto the floor, luckily padded by an IKEA sheepskin, where they proceed to roll around until Miranda once again straddles a still quite submissive Gary then proceeds to lick his rippling stomach muscles, she's never really appreciated them in this way before... Gary gasps a little and tilts his head back against the bedside table, leaving the perfect opening for her to drag her tongue up him till she reaches his glorious cheekbones and adorable stubble...

Somehow they make it back onto the bed and Gary is squirming pleasntly under her on the rumpled bed.

Suddenly, without warning Miranda whips out one of the appliances she picked up in the cooking department and whacks him with it! 

Gary makes a sound - part in pleasure and part in suprise, but basically a squeak. 

The spatula in question comes down on his pert ass again and this time the reaction is all pleasure. She can see his member already erect and slick with precum.

"Oh, do I deserve punnishment?" He purrs and Miranda suprises herself more by answering "I am your master, submit your soul to me or suffer the consequences!".

She's sure she gets it from her mother, but that's not a thought she wants right now... oh dear... But this only momentarily puts her off, soon Gary is licking the spatula and purrs "I will pleasure you, my glorious queen" wrestling to be on top, he manages to switch places with Miranda and kisses her, nibbling her lower lip before trailing his tongue down her neck, between her glorious, plentiful breasts and past her bellybutton, eventually reaching her nether region...

Stars start to adorn her vision and her heart beats even faster, despite it allready beating a hundred miles a minute, and the build up is better than anything she's ever experienced.... She could almost cum right now... She feels herself tighten and needs to feel him, she grabs some of his irresistable black curls and holds on as he proceeds to lick her clit, making moves she didn't even know existed and driving her to the edge of oblivion. All too soon he hits the exact spot that drives her over the edge. His moist, supple tongue, worms it's way into her and her orgasm is better than even her first with him! 

Her hands fist even harder in his hair as she looses it and sinks further into the bed. He soon follows, the look of her commming undone doing it for him and his cum goes all over everything, spoiling the polished look of the room, not that any of them notice at that point, as they both lie breathing heavily for a couple of minutes, before Miranda disappears under the covers and Gary lets out a startled yelp as she grips his member and licks... However that is soon spoiled by Miranda flailing and choking under the covers, FYI, it's even harder to breathe doing it under the covers than it is doing it "normally"... She abandons the idea and slides her bodacious body up against him, creating once again that fabulously good friction and uses instead her hands to get the deaired effect.... It works. Gary cums again like he's never cum before and she only just manages to silence him in time, in the literal heat of the moment, she almost forgot they were in fact still at IKEA. The idea only serves to drive her on and she has to srop herself from cuming straight away as the spatula finds its way into her... Its supple silicone goes up like its going home and she quickly follows in her orgasm, not able to stop herself from crying out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :-)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first EVER fanfic, hope you like it, feel free to comment! 
> 
> I may write more depending on how this turns out. ;-)


End file.
